Those Who Should Have Become Landscapers

Professional landscaping is truly a noble profession. Nay, it is more than that: it is an art form. Just imagine how it must feel to hold the future of someone's lawn in your hands. When a person or a company or some other client engages your services, you immediately know that the decisions you make as you design the area of land they give you will affect there professional appearance, their neighbors' opinions of them, and possibly even their own self-esteem for years to come.

A few nights ago, my mother and I watched a movie that was, in my opinion, very stupid. It had no real plot, nothing resembling a satisfying ending, a host of unnecessary scenes, and a few characters who spent most of the movie meandering around looking and behaving like the unfortunate victims of Dementors' kisses. People would ask them questions, and for long periods of time they would, rather than replying, pout listlessly at things as the audience (or at least, as I) was driven mad with boredom and irritation.

As I watched, I couldn't help thinking about the film's director and writer, and the author of the book the film was based on. What a tragedy it is, I thought, that this trio happened to become a director, a screenwriter, and an author, rather than three landscapers. During the long spaces in which absolutely nothing was happening onscreen, I filled the time imagining what their endeavors would look like when completed. The half-finished walkways, the abundance of colorless and odorless flowers, the feeling of dullness, indifference, and lack of interest that would surely permeate any area they had attempted to beautify..... truly they and the world have missed out on something glorious through their poor career choices.

It wasn't this film that first inspired landscaping-related thoughts to come into my mind, however. For school this year, I am reading the book Ender's Shadow by Orson Scott Card. To help me prepare, a few weeks ago I read Card's first literary infliction, Ender's Game. Now, I am well aware that there are many people who find great enjoyment in repeatedly perusing OSC's Ender books; but I find that all throughout reading Game and now starting Shadow, I've been unable to help thinking what a great landscaper Orson Scott Card could have made.

Really, it's almost heartbreaking to think about the sheer fulfillment he could've brought to his life and the lives of his clients. Rather than creating characters so foul and repulsive I wish they would all just die in agony, he could've been strategically arranging flower beds until they were perfectly suited to the task of garnering hate-filled glances and wrenching sobs from all who were forced to view them. He could have channeled his clear hatred for humanity through healthier outlets than writing, such as crooked fountains and asymmetrical pathways. Rather than placing ugly, jagged words in unpleasant sentences, he could have been laying ugly, jagged stones in upsetting, zigzagged lines. Oh, how much this poor world lost on the day Orson Scott Card chose to become a writer!

Of course, I'm not saying that everyone should go into landscaping. Some people are genuinely better suited to other art forms. But to those who do landscape, who bring beauty to the world and joy to themselves using flora and stone, I say, I salute you!

-Pearl Clayton